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Time of Mercy Blog

 

Where are you?!

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If I AM is your name, why are you NOT there, when I am drowning, and my life is falling to pieces?

After the spectacular miracle of the multiplication of the loaves, Jesus moves to a secluded place to pray. Before that, however, He urged the disciples to get into the boat and meet him on the other side. He remains immersed in conversation with the Father for some seven hours, while terrified disciples struggle against the wind, waves, and deep darkness. Despite experience and the passage of time - they are stuck on the lake in the middle of a storm and are fighting for their lives. They were sure that Jesus has forgotten them.

How many times in my life have I experienced such a situation. After experiencing the great power of God; His evident intervention in my life; After a spiritual experience (goodconfession, good retreat) suddenly a night so dark came it seemed to me that God had withdrawn from me. Was that what had carried me in faith until now only an illusion?

Even Elijah had such an experience even, "the Prophet like fire”. He, whose name meant "Yahweh is my God" - Yahweh, that is, God present in every situation of my life; to whom God showed His power in a very spectacular way; at whose word, the sick got up from their beds and the dead came back to life, this prophet suddenly experienced such a deep darkness of faith that he almost took his life. This Elijah, who killed the prophets of Baal, multiplied the food, and brought fire and rain to the earth, begged God for death in deep depression.

It is so with me. Even when I receive unimaginable graces from God, and believe me, I have already received such gifts from God that I had never dreamed of before. All it takes is a slight storm, some inconvenience, loss, fear to plunge me into complete darkness. I forget that every miracle, every grace I receive from God, is not only given to me to make me feel better, to make it easier and more pleasant for me to live.

Gifts, no matter how miraculous and desired, are not meant to focus us on it, but on the Giver. God is always concerned with Hisrelationship with us. He created us to be friends with Him. The miracle is not an end in itself - it is a stage on the way to the Father. Miracle is to bring us to Him, remind us that He is with me all the time.

This is the essence of the Gospel where Jesus walks on the lake. He takes a "shortcut" to the terrified disciples and quickly exclaims: "Do not be afraid! I AM!". Does it remind you of something? "It's as if he wanted to answer their inner cry: where are you? Why are you not here? If I AM is your name, why have you disappeared from what is happening to us? Jesus responds to their fears immediately.

He shows that his name is the same as his Father.

I AM when you think everything is falling apart. I AM when darkness engulfs your life. I AM when pain wants to shatter your heart to pieces. I AM even when you start to think that I am not there.

Jesus will not leave us in the dark, alone in the face of unfavorable winds and waves that want to smash our boat. He will come, even barefoot, running across the lake to save us. Only He has the power to silence every storm and rebuild a life shattered to pieces.

Until Tomorrow

fr. george

George Bobowski