DEATH AND RESURRECTION – Part III
11. Accompanying loved ones in dying
Accompanying someone in dying, that is, in birth to eternity, in each case brings slightly different thoughts and experiences. There is no room for routine or schematic behavior. In the face of the death of someone with whom I have strong bonds of closeness and love, I tell God, myself and my closest friends about my experiences and reflections. Very different thoughts and experiences then appear in my consciousness. However, it is definitely dominated by amazement over the mystery of life, as well as admiration in the face of the dignity of a dying man and in the face of the seriousness of his experience of the end of his mortal life. Then I am next to someone who makes a final examination of conscience, who begins to look God straight in the eye, and who finally decides about his way of being in eternity. The more intensely a person lives and the more he loves, the more he is amazed about the gift of life that each of us has received from God forever. This amazement is greatest when those who are leaving have been able to live a life worthy of human dignity. An example is the extremely rich reflections and extremely strong experiences that accompanied us in the days when John Paul II was passing to the House of the Father. For most of us, his dying has become like of the most important retreat ... An ancient Christian writer wrote that, "of all divine things, the most divine is to share with God in the saving of souls." GOD AND SOULS was the motto of St. Faustina. Our ministry aim, as was hers, is in saving souls. Our Lord asked her to pray and offer the Chaplet for sinners and the dying, saying: " Pray as much as you can for the dying. By your entreaties, obtain for them trust in My mercy, because they have most need of trust, and have it the least. Be assured that the grace of eternal salvation for certain souls in their final moments depends on your prayer. You know the whole abyss of My mercy, so draw upon it for yourself and especially for poor sinners. Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul." (Diary, 1777).
12. Pain in the face of mourning
Pain, fear and even emotional rebellion in the face of the death of a loved one is not a sign of losing faith in God. Rather, it is a confirmation of faith and bond with God! If in an hour of exceptional pain, I rebel against God, then not only do I recognize that He exists, but also treat Him as my greatest friend, to whom I can shout and cry out even the greatest pain, mourning and longing. "Stoic" peace would be something strange not only in the face of the pain of parting of someone who is dying, but also in the face of delight and emotion in the face of the extraordinary human life that is on its way to its mortal end.
Suffering in the face of the death of a loved one is inevitable. It is confirmed by Jesus himself, who wept heartily at the tomb of Lazarus, although he knew that he would resurrect him in a moment. But he also knew how much pain the deceased's sisters had already experienced and how much his friends had suffered. It is this "stoic" peace that would be an attitude contrary to Christianity. In the face of death on the cross, Jesus shouted an emotional rebellion before God: "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" (cf. Mt 27:47). The Son of God then suffered most not because of the cruel fate which the people had prepared for him, but because of the terrible suffering of His Most Holy and Most Sensitive Mother, whose pain He was the only one whocould imagine.... In the face of the death of a loved one, a Christian has the right to anxiety and pain and even to emotional rebellion. Maturity is not about not suffering, but about gradually moving from rebellion in emotions to attitudes of trust. In this aspect too, Christ is the model who entrusts himself completely to God: " Father, into your hands I commend my spirit " (cf. Lk 23:46).
It is worth noting the difference between the mourning experienced by a person connected to God and the mourning experienced by an atheist, that is, someone who believes that human life is only a matter of chance, and physical death is the definitive end of existence. Well, the atheist remembers the dead as those who - in his opinion - no longer exist and with whom he will never meet again. Meanwhile, a Christian long for a living person who has pass to the House of Father. We miss those who no longer live-in mortality, but who still exist, love and miss us! To love is to want the person we love to live forever and stay with us forever. The greatest suffering for someone who loves is to break up with those he loves the most. That is why we experience the deaths of our mother, father, spouse, child, brother, sister and friend the most strongly. After all, a friend is also our close relative. It is a relative by choice, kinship of values, ideals and dreams.
The most immature way of dealing with grief in the face of the death of a loved one is to pretend that nothing happened, or to try to escape into sedatives or psychotropic substances (alcohol, drugs). It is impossible to overcome sadness and mourning without facing the pain, without experiencing the intense suffering associated with the temporal loss of a loved one. Typical consequences of immaturely experienced grief are depression, guilt, chaos and disorientation, escape in solitude or fear in the face of loneliness, indecision, feelings of helplessness, insomnia, disturbing bodily and health problems, intrusive suicidal thoughts and moods.
13. The phases of experiencing mourning
It is not easy for any of us to take a mature attitude towards the death of a person we loved and still love. There are several typical phases in the process of recovering from the death of a loved one. The first phase is usually rebellion, anxiety, and a sense of helplessness. The second phase is to acknowledge the loss of a loved one and the fact that from now on we will have to deal with life without that person. The third phase is the conscious suffering of the pain associated with the loss of a loved one. In this phase, it is quite normal that memories of the deceased come back frequently, that tears appear in our eyes and that our throats are squeezed in pain or emotion so much that we are unable to utter a word. The fourth phase is learning how to deal with life after the loss of a loved one. Finally, the fifth phase is making sure that the deceased person is still present in our lives and that the spiritual bond with him/herbecomes a powerful force and strengthening for us in difficult situations.
14. Resurrection of the whole person
In the process of dying, we are born to eternity with all the riches of our humanity, and therefore both with what is spiritual and with what is physical/ bodily in us. Man's resurrection, however, will not restore the situation from before mortal death. This is where the resurrection differs from the raising from the dead! Resurrection means that God will give us a new phase of existence, as well as a new relationship between our flesh and spirituality. After the resurrection, there will be no more struggle in us between the man of the flesh and the man of the spirit. This does not mean that the spirit will overcome the body, but that it will be the victory of man over himself! The resurrection of saved people means the perfect harmony of all dimensions in men. Resurrection is the full inclusion of the body in the mystery of a person. It is not only the spiritualization of the body, but it is also the embodiment of the spirit (cf. Rom 8:23; Lk 20:36). For now, however, we live in earthly conditions. For now, we are waiting for salvation and resurrection. “For the flesh has desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh" (cf. Gal 5:17). For now, controlling the body requires resolute vigilance, internal discipline, setting tough demands on oneself, and following a mature hierarchy of values. Because of the wounds of body and spirit as a result of the consequences of original sin, men's life on earth sometimes turns out to be a painful struggle (cf. Job 7:1) and sometimes vanity over vanities (cf. Koh 1:2). At the same time, however, already here on this earth, the human body in Christ has become an instrument of visible love and redemption: " For this reason, when he came into the world, he said: “Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but a body you prepared for me" (Heb 10: 5). It is through human flesh that the Son of God reveals to us redeeming love and loves us to the end. Up to the sacrifice of his own life. Until his physical death on the cross. In the resurrection, the most visible transformation will be most visible in our bodies, but only because, in earthly life human flesh is visible and thanks to this we can easier observe changes in our body than in the intellectual, moral or spiritual sphere.
15. Prayer for the dead
The Christian vision of death is particularly aptly expressed in the liturgy of the Church, which prays with the words: " Indeed for your faithful, Lord, life is changed not ended, and, when this earthly dwelling turns to dust, and eternal dwelling is made ready for them in heaven”. As Catholics, we believe in the community of all faithful Christians, that is: those who are still on pilgrimage on earth; the dead who are still being purified in purgatory; and those who are already enjoying the happiness of heaven. In this community, called"Communion of saints", we experience the love of the Merciful God and His Saints are always looking on us, and always ready to hear our prayers. The Church, which is on her earthly pilgrimage, since the beginning of the Christian religion honors the memory of the dead with great reverence, because she trusts that it is a holy and salutary thought to pray for the dead so that they may be free from sins. Our prayers for the dead can not only help them, but also make their intercession extremely helpful for us. Moreover, "praying for the living and the dead" is one of the seven spiritual works of mercy.
That is why very often, pastors of the Church encourage us to remember the dead, especially those who repent for their sins in purgatory. For the souls of the dead, you can offer the Holy Mass, Holy Communion, prayers, good deeds as well as, it is a glorious thing to get indulgences for them.
Participation in the Holy Mass offered for the dead, Holy Gregorian Masses, private prayer for the deceased, visiting the tomb of the deceased, gaining indulgences for the deceased, all these are signs of our love and faith in eternal life.
16. Saint Faustina Praying for the Sick and Dying
Saint Faustina was often given the grace to know when a certain dying person desired or needed prayer; she would be alerted to the moment, by her Guardian Angel or by Our Lord Himself. At those times she would pray until she no longer felt the need to pray, or until a sense of peace came upon her, or she learned that the person had died, or heard the soul say, "Thank You!" She wrote: "Oh, dying souls are in such great need of prayer! O Jesus, inspire souls to pray often for the dying" (Diary, 1015).
One of the best means of assisting the dying is the one that Jesus revealed to St. Faustina and insisted that she use often — even continuously: The Divine Mercy Chaplet. Jesus said: "My daughter, encourage souls to say the chaplet which I have given to you. It pleases Me to grant everything they ask of Me by saying the chaplet. ... Write that when they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the merciful Savior (Diary, 1541).
Earlier, Our Lord said to her, "At the hour of their death, I defend as My own glory every soul that will say this chaplet; or when others say it for a dying person, the indulgence is the same. When this chaplet is said by the bedside of a dying person, God’s anger is placated, unfathomable mercy envelops the soul, and the very depths of My tender mercy are moved for the sake of the sorrowful Passion of My Son. " (Diary, 811).
17. St. Joseph, the Patron of a Happy Death
One saint who can help ease our fears is St. Joseph, the patron of a happy death. Joseph died in the arms of Jesus, his Son and God, and in the arms of Mary; both, especially at that moment, compensated all his endeavors for them with unheard of graces. They were helpers and consolers who not only supported his frail body, but who with powerful, soothing graces refreshed and rejoiced the heart and soul of the dying saint, while the Holy Spirit replenished him with a Heaven of consolation and joy. It’s a beautiful image, one that has led the Church to proclaim Joseph the patron saint of a happy death. It would have certainly been the most peaceful death a person could experience!
Here is one prayer that recalls this image and can give us comfort while we await our own death. We never know when God will call us home, so in the meantime, let us do all we can to prepare for that day, making it a day of great joy.
Prayer to Saint Joseph for a Happy Death
O Blessed Joseph, you gave your last breath in the loving embrace of Jesus and Mary. When the seal of death shall close my life, come with Jesus and Mary to aid me. Obtain for me this solace for that hour - to die with their holy arms around me. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I commend my soul, living and dying, into your sacred arms. Amen.
Until Tomorrow
fr. george