“Do you also want to leave?”
“This saying is hard, who can accept it?” ... said the disciples after hearing one of the most difficult teachings of Jesus. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink (Jn 6:55) This sentence creates a conflict when one logically analyzes the words of Jesus ... Doubts arise ... How? Eat His Flesh ... drink His Blood? Maybe it is about a symbol? And then the men"gushes out" and says: this saying is difficult. Yes, it is difficult. But understanding will not help much here. Here you need to believe and trust that His Word is truth and if He said so, it means that there is something in it. Something important. But there are some among you who do not believe. For Jesus knew in the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who would betray him. Exactly. There are also some of us who do not believe. Who follow him out of habit because everyone walks, because our parents walked, grandparents walked, so the tradition must be upheld... And you? Why do you follow Him?
Jesus knew who believed and who did not, but still allowed for anyone to have access to Him. He let everyone walk with Him. And yet not all believed, and those who did not - left.
It was a trial moment that they did not pass successfully. From that time on, many of His disciples went back and no longer followed Him. It is good to walk with Him when He multiplies the bread, when He heals the sick, and when He does many other interesting things. It is good to be in His company when He turns water into wine, or raises the dead, or when the storm calms down at His call, or when hundreds of fish are caught.
But when He teaches and His teaching is hard for us, unacceptable, not understandable - then only we can sigh "this talk is difficult". And then pack our bags and go back to our plaything.
Many of His disciples did so, but not all of them. So, Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” It was a trial moment. Twelve were closer than everyone else. Jesus knew well who would go away and who would not. But he asked nevertheless. This is a sign of complete trust in man. Everyone has free will, and though God knows what we will do before we think about it. He, however, believes that we will make the right decision. But He asks anyway: Do you also want to leave?
He also asks you at times of trial. Do you want to leave? You can do it. I cannot stop you by force. I cannot tie you to myself with a gold chain. It would not be fair to you. I gave you free will so you can decide, you can stay ... oryou can leave ... And what? Do you also want to go? Simon Peter answered him, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.” This confession of Peter is an act of faith, of firm faith. And we believed ... If we had not believed, we would have been gone by a long time. But we put it all on one card, abandoned our stable, peaceful life. Because we believed you had the words of eternal life. So, if we went, where would we go? We have nowhere to go. Since we are with you, nothing else interests us and nothing else we are interested in.
Let us pray for such faith, that we may, one day, fully consciously repeat after Peter:
You have the words of eternal life and we believed it and followed you because you are ours Lord and Savior.
One more Thought
The real cause of misunderstanding and not accepting God into our heart is most often a lack of faith. "To believe is to illuminate what is hidden" (A. Heschel). The Disciples, despite being so close to the Master, experienced moments of doubt, personal insecurity, and a sense of total misunderstanding. "Do you also want to leave?" - this question is also directed to us. We are not free from lack of faith or doubt in His love. "Faith is a mosaic of doubts" (N. Kazantzakis). Sometimes we think of faith in terms of easy and pleasant terms that will clear things up and make God close to us. Faith is also a zone of great unknown, momentary loneliness and orphanage. Many people would like to know first, touch, experience a miracle, and then believe.
Such thinking is, in its very assumption, a failure. We cannot manipulate God to satisfy our own whims. First you have to believe, trust immeasurably - let to be lead like a little child on unfamiliar roads, and then we will meet the Lord. "Not everything can be explained," said St. Filaret- There are many things that you only need to believe, because there is nothing else left but to believe. " Everyone must have a moment of imbalance - as Paul, blinded by the light at Damascus, entered darkness and helplessness; like Lazarus awakened from the sleep of death, stunned by the rising up from death and the gift of life; like Zacchaeus sitting on a sycamore tree - where Jesus' gaze was so astonishing that he wanted to change his life. In the history of human struggle in the space of faith, there is a place for each of us; for the betraying and fiercely crying Peter - "You know that I love You", and for Mary Magdalene who kisses the feet of Jesus and isfaithful to the end.
We have nothing to lose when we love God. The easiest way is to leave - run away, desert, blend in with the indifferent crowd of the world. "He who is close to me is close to the fire" (Origen). The freedom that Christ gives us obliges us to purge our choices of habits and fears. "It is important for man to know that God loves him" (Nicholas Kabasilas).
Maybe the question should be worded differently: Why do you want to stay with me? And response to this question should includegratitude - the flame of love.
Until Tomorrow
fr. george