You will see greater things than this
We are still in the week of prayer for priests and for priestly and religious vocations and in this prayerful atmosphere, I would like to share with you some of my faith experiences. From the first years of my priesthood, various people thanked me for my sermons. I received a lot of thanks especially for my retreat teaching. How many times have I been told: "Why are other priests not talking about it?" or: "Only now have I understood this gospel scene!" or even: "At last I know what the Christian faith is all about!"
Yes, then I thanked God for deigning to use his unworthy servant. However, I must confess with regret that my egocentrism was also pleasantly tickled at the time. For what self-centered person will not be impressed by the thought - and so objectively motivated - that only thanks to me someone understood something very important? Fortunately, I was constantly told that different people experienced similar revelations in faith thanks to the sermons of many other priests, including those who seemed rather average to me and whose sermons seemed banal to me.
In fact, however, I understood what was going on here only when I realized that I, myself, from time to time, discovered some very important truths about Christianity, of which I had not been aware so far. The discoveries took place in various situations - once while meditating on the Scriptures, sometimes thanks to St. Augustine or even thanks to the child who confessed to me. I feel embarrassed to talk about it, because they were usually completely elementary truths, and I was really worried and understood about them so late. As I remember today, I was already studying theology when I became clearly aware of how literally we Christians believe in Jesus Christ, in His Divinity and in His real Incarnation. I will never forget the great excitement that I felt then. I even remember perfectly well in which room of our convent I lived at that time.
And yet I cannot complain that no one has clearly told me before who Jesus really is. Children in my time, already receiving their First Communion, really knew the basic truths of the Catholic faith. And when I was in the sixth grade, beloved Father perfectly explained to us in the religion class what the Christologies of the Nestorians and Monophysites were and why they cannot be reconciled with the mystery of the Incarnation. I cannot even say what the breakthrough in Seminary was about in my understanding of the mystery of Christ the Lord. I probably did not learn anything new about Christ then, and yet everything, in my understanding of Christ the Lord, appeared to me as completely new.
I am ashamed to admit to my other revelations as well because it is usually about truths that are often obvious to children. And so, for example, a great revelation was for me a discovery - and I owe it to St. Thomas Aquinas - that "love your neighbor as yourself" means: be disinterested in relation to another person, try to arrange your attitude towards him in the perspective of his good.
A few more such insights helped me to understand a little what God's grace is: that it is a power from God that enables us to do things that we are not capable of on our own; that thanks to it we are not only human, but partakers of God's nature; that with his grace God transforms us more and more into one with Christ.
Only in recent years, despite the fact that I have been teaching the faith for so long, I had the opportunity to see, for the first time in my life, two new truths, also very elementary. Many preschoolers probably know it vividly, and I, who often teach, saw it only now. Namely, with great clarity stood before me the truth that God loves me unimaginably more than any other person, despite the fact that I do not lack close, kind and very lovely people. Moreover: God wishes me unimaginably more good than I wish myself. At the same time, I am finally beginning to understand a bit the monstrousness of my infidelity: that I am still outrageously distrustful of God, that my spirit is still paralyzed by some contraction that does not allow me to really open truly and completely to God and to throw myself into His arms without any reservations or calculations. And I am finally beginning to understand a bit that only He can free me from my infidelity.
I am amazed how I survived for so many years that I noticed such elementary truths so late. After all, I have heard about it so many times, read about it, indeed, so many times I have spoken about it myself. Anyway, I feel that there are more than one fascinating discovery waiting for me, not in the sphere of some mystical experiences, but in the dimension of the elementary Christian "ABC".
Anyway, now I know what the words that I sometimes hear after my retreats mean: "Why am I hearing this for the first time in my life?", "Why aren't other priests talking about it?" They say, they certainly say, dear Brother and Sister, and you have heard it more than once in your life; only that with the grace of God you understood more of it today. " You will see greater things than this." (Jn 1:50), says the Lord Jesus at such a moment.
Until Tomorrow
fr. george