Let it go - A Few Thoughts Before Confession in Holy Week
“And forgive us our debts,as we forgive our debtors” – Mt 6:12
The common understanding is that whoever forgives shows grace to the offender. In fact, the greatest grace goes to the forgiving person. The grace of God's forgiveness will not reach your heart if you block it by refusing to forgive another human being.
“Seventy-seven times” - means "always”
There is something very important to forgiveness since Jesus repeatedly asks for it as if it were our primary duty. The most important of the prayers that people say - because Jesus himself taught us - includes the condition that God forgives our sins, "as we forgive those who trespass against us." The same condition appears in Matthew chapter 18. Jesus to Peter's question: " Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times”. This does not mean that there is an end to forgiveness. - In Semitic languages there are no abstract concepts such as "infinity" at all, which is why Jews used the symbolism of numbers so eagerly. Seven means fullness, that is, Peter, using the phrase "seven times", in fact asks about the constant readiness to forgive. And Jesus' answer "seventy-seven times" means "always". The followers of Christ are therefore not given the option of forgiving or not forgiving. " So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart"(cf. Mt 18:35) - Jesus announces. How will he do? Like the master of the unmerciful debtor in the parable: he orders "to hand him over to the tormentors until he repays his entire debt." Jesus says unequivocally: " Forgive and you will be forgiven" (cf. Lk 6:37). The matter is clear: whoever does not forgive people cannot count on God's forgiveness. And this is a dramatic situation because everyone needs forgiveness. " all have sinned and are deprived of the glory of God", assures St. Paul (Romans 3:23).
“Now - and this is daunting - this outpouring of mercy cannot penetrate our hearts as long as we have not forgiven those who have trespassed against us,” we read in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (2840). And further: “In refusing to forgive our brothers and sisters, our hearts are closed and their hardness makes them impervious to the Father's merciful love; but in confessing our sins, our hearts are opened to his grace”.
I was more at fault
Forgiveness, therefore, is a duty in God's eyes, and to refuse to forgive is a grave offense. Why? Because each of us is a debtor. This is what the Gospel shows. My debt to God is much greater than that of my neighbor. However, it is difficult for us, busy constantly to carry out our own canonization process, to see it. On the other hand, our own harm hurts us a lot and we consider it as our duty to demonstrate our resentment to the perpetrator. Of course, "that he should be converted." Meanwhile, we are not the administrators of someone's conversion, and the strategy that is to lead someone to repentance because of the unpleasantness that has been inflicted on us, never works.
For the same reason, an attitude of "gracious forgiveness", given with a superiority falsely suggests one's own integrity, does not bear good fruit. A haughty attitude humiliates those who are "forgiven" and is more like slapping their cheek than an act of reconciliation. Only the awareness of one's own sinfulness can lead to true forgiveness and follow the consent with the offender. It is difficult to reconcile when with my "I forgive" is not accompanied by my "I am sorry".
And the body reacts
It is not easy to acknowledge your guilt in contentious matters, because humility is not easy. Especially when the injured person is accompanied by a kind of pride in being a victim and celebrating a sense of their own moral superiority. It happens that a person experiences this hurt for years, suffering senselessly and making this situation worse than that in which the offender found himself.
Unforgiveness is called the "silent killer." Cherished in himself can poison not only the soul, but also the psyche and body. Doctors agree that the lack of forgiveness is the source of many, even very serious physical diseases. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is possible and necessary to continue on the path of spiritual growth; in relationships with people and with God. That is why Jesus explains: "If then, you bring your gift to the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, and first go and be reconciled to your brother. Then come and offer your gift. Cultivating in us a sense of hurt is administering a daily dose of poison. That is why the Old Testament sage Sirach asks rhetorically: "When a man is angry against another, how will he seek healing from the Lord?" (Sir 28,2-3).
Man is the unity of body and soul, therefore his relations with others influence both. For this reason, the health of the spirit, and sometimes of the body, depends on decisions such as forgiveness of the offender
It is not a feeling
Forgiveness is sometimes confused with a warm feeling towards someone who has been forgiven. This is a mistake, because man has control over his will, not his feelings. Moreover, it is often assumed that forgiveness of fault is the same as forgiveness of penalties. Wrong. The most expressive example of forgiveness in the 20th century was given by John Paul II when he forgave the perpetrator right after the attack. It is hard to expect him to have time to think about his feelings in such dramatic circumstances. In an instant, the Pope made an act of will, a decision that he would forgive.
He knew what he was saying, so he repeated it later when he visited Ali Agca in prison - but still in prison. It was clear that the assassin should be punished because justice is not at odds with mercy. Mercy brings forgiveness and justice brings satisfaction. For this reason, it is not the duty of the forgiving person to withdraw the complaint or waive the claims in court. What matters in forgiveness is an attitude of the heart, the decision of the will - rejecting the spirit of revenge and to give up any retribution. We have no obligation to like our culprit, we have a duty to love him.
“It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession”, says the Catechism (2843). There we also read: “Forgiveness is a high-point of Christian prayer; only hearts attuned to God's compassion can receive the gift of prayer. Forgiveness also bears witness that, in our world, love is stronger than sin. The martyrs of yesterday and today bear this witness to Jesus. Forgiveness is the fundamental condition of the reconciliation of the children of God with their Father and of men with one another". (2844)
It is impossible to develop in the spiritual life and walk on the path to holiness if our heart is suffering from the cancer of hatred; if we wallow in grief and hurt. Only forgiveness opens to the grace of healing and friendship with God. But what does it mean to forgive? To forgive does not mean to wipe out bad memories from your head, to remove all painful feelings from your consciousness. You can only really forgive what you remember. To forgive is to give up revenge, slander, setting others badly against the wrongdoer, and brooding over and over again. To forgive is to wish well to him who hurt me "as on earth, so also in heaven."
Do not scratch any wounds you have received. Pray for the one who hurt you.
Until Tomorrow
fr. george